Reminder of Differences

Girly Girl ready for day 3 of school

I was reminded again this week about the vast difference between girls and boys. It came in the form of our 6 year old girl and 7 year old boy. They started school this week and our start to the school year is a little different. Both Toads and Girly Girl are in a Spanish Immersion Program at their school and there is only one class of it offered at this school. When you commit to the program, you are committed for 1st through 5th grade. This means there are not the usual first day of school surprises....there is only one teacher, so you know who you have; the same kids are in your class each year, no new faces; and for us, your older brother is only a year ahead of you - same year, different child.

And the differences are immense in only the first few days. Toads had a wonderful year last year in Sra. Rudd's class and we could not have been more pleased with our experience. I had no idea what we had missed until the bigs got in the van on Monday. I did the usual 'how was it?' and Girly Girl could not get her words out fast enough. She gave me a minute by minute, blow by blow detail of every last bit of her day. She described her classroom and all that Sra. Rudd did in elaborate, storied details. She went on and on with such excitement that we were a little fatigued when she finished. Toads turned only resulted in a "I don't remember." That's not uncommon for him. He just doesn't have endless amounts of enthusiasm for recounting to his mother the intimate details of his life. He keeps it all to himself unless I pry some of it out of him. I remember thinking in the van how nice it would have been if Girly Girl was the older one so that I would know what all is happening in his classroom. I obviously did not have a clue about what was happening last year.

These two are a perfect example of how unique and different each one of us are - especially the male/female comparison. Our girl is all girl and our boy is all boy. They communicate differently, they respond to stress differently, they require different interaction with me. They are just wired very differently. God created them both with unique personalities and I am slowly learning to effectively navigate the parenting waters with a boy and not just this cute one, but three little girls. The little two talk just as much and with almost more dramatic flair than Girly Girl. Toads won't have to worry long about having to answer my questions as the girls fill in all of the air time. They are all four such a joy to parent.

First Day Without Kindergarten

August 22, 2011

After two years in a row of dropping off a kindergartner the first day of school, it was a little different this year. First grade and second grade. Old hat. No big hugs. No help finding your name. No problem. We took Toads to his class first and then settled Girly Girl into her class which is Toads' class and teacher from last year. Their classrooms are right across the hall from one another, so they will be in view/ear shot of each other almost all the time. Toads probably could have done without the parental escort but Girly Girl was still a little interested in having us there. They have each other and for now, big brother is not too troubled by little sister being around all the time. I can already tell that they won't want us around much longer. They are confident, independent little Linos. I wouldn't have it any other way. I did manage to get a few pictures before they dismissed me.

1st grade and 2nd grade

Pine Forest Elementary - Sra. Fabela's class

Pine Forest Elementary - Sra. Rudd's class

How We Made the Big Transition

This past Sunday, Nathan and I had the opportunity to see some sweet little NEHBC faces and talk to them and their parents about joining the NEHBC family in worship on Sunday mornings. It was so fun to see the new 4 year olds with wides eyes about what was happening and the looks on the parents’ faces too. Transitioning to big church can be very challenging for some families. It was for ours. It is also one of the most important things a family can do for the spiritual development of the children.

Nathan is long gone to prepare his heart and mind to preach by the time I wake up and start getting the Four Little Linos ready for worship each Sunday morning, so I have experienced this three times practically on my own. Toads, Girly Girl and Samoosa all transitioned to big church right at their 3^rd birthdays. If I could visit with each family like we did in the group setting this past Sunday, this is what I would tell them about my experience…………..

The motto is “train and model.” Training and modeling requires sacrifice. In order to train and model worship of the living God to my child, I must be willing to put their spiritual well-being before my own. For a season, I will not hear every word of the sermon. I will not have any idea that we prayed for a particular people group in worship. I will miss the report of life change on a mission trip. I will not have all of my needs met in worship. The thing is, it’s not my needs that are important. Worship is not for me. It is not my break from my children. Worship is what I give the the King of Kings and what I am giving to Him right now, in this season of my life, is my children. My sacrifice of training and modeling is actually what He expects of me in my role as parent of the children He has entrusted to me.

So what does training and modeling look like? The idea is to let them see you worship and train them to do it for themselves. As a family, it requires a team approach. It requires planning ahead and being consistent. The attitude that Mom and Dad have about worship is what they will pass on to all the kids. Mom and Dad need to actively participate and communicate with each other. Let each other know how you think it’s going, what’s working, what’s not. Be excited about worship and talk positively about being with believers to worship your God. Get everyone on the same page and worship together as a family.

Lino training and modeling goes on all during the week. We have expectations for our children during that one hour of worship and we have explained what the consequences are for not meeting them. Some of ours are: not distracting others, not leaving the worship center to go to the bathroom, not fighting with siblings, standing and sitting at appropriate times, and so on. I always remind them of these expectations in the van on the way to church. There are no surprises or excuses. We talk about worship throughout the week and begin our ‘Sunday routine’ on Saturday. My goal is to do whatever it takes ahead of time to get us in our seats in worship with open, happy hearts and leave with happy hearts that have worshiped God in a way He wants to be worshiped.

To meet my goal of happy hearts before and after worship, these are some things I do:

·         Set out church clothes for everyone on Saturday night, even mine

·         Give ‘church baths’ to kids on Saturday night

·         Play worship music while getting ready on Sunday

·         Serve the same breakfast every Sunday (no time for discussing or disagreeing with the ever-changing requests)

·         Decide which service is best for your family – for us, it is easiest to arrive at the NEHBC campus and go straight to worship so that I don’t make us late by getting sidetracked in the hall talking or rounding up three children from different classrooms

·         Everyone goes to the restroom before finding seats in the worship center

·         Find a seat with a good view for children to see and know what is happening on the stage

·         Have a seating arrangement for the children that gives them the best opportunity for meeting the expectations and experiencing worship – for us, this means that the lefty of the bunch needs to sit to my left and all others on the right so that they don’t get in a fight when she continually elbows them with her writing hand; two personalities need to be split up because they talk a lot.

·         Decide ahead of time a plan for exiting the service if necessary – for what? Ours fall into two categories: defiant disobedience and major distractions

·         Everyone follows instructions of the worship leader and pastor – sit, stand, bow to pray, kneel when appropriate

·         Have a plan for the sermon time…..’big church bags’

o   The bag is only to be used during the sermon. Not at any other time during the service or at home. It is a special bag.

o   The child is responsible for the bag – it’s what they bring to worship like you bring your Bible. Have them carry it, pack it, take good care of it.

o   Using the bag on the floor is ok for little guys - they are probably lost and their hearts are not inclined to sit and listen attentively.

o   Put all kinds of nice, quiet age appropriate toys/activities in it – coloring books, pipe cleaners, stickers, sketch pads, washable markers to keep clothes nice, kleenex are a must. Make sure the activities are things they can do on their own and don’t require an explanation or help from Mom and Dad.

o   Change out the contents regularly.

o   Ensure that the bag is not being repacked during the response time but that children are participating in the response time and not being a distraction to others that are responding to the Lord.

o   As children get older, expectations change for the sermon time – not on the floor, take notes, etc.

·         Let children participate when appropriate – help pass offering bag, open Bible, pray at the altar with you, etc.

·         Whisper instructions or explanations during teachable moments of the service – Lord’s supper, point out instrumentalists, explain looking for references in Bible

Despite my best efforts, worship does not always go like I dream it will. That’s ok. Having perfectly obedient children is not the goal. They do make noises and distract others. We do have to exit on occasion. I am not locked in on those dreams. The hope and dream of having four little Linos that love the Lord their God and worship Him with all of the hearts is the one I’m working towards. My sacrifice, planning, praying, training and modeling is so worth it. Being the one to teach my child to worship their Creator is an awesome privilege. Parent, enjoy the opportunity you have been given and be faithful to your calling as parent of that precious child.

Stepping Up the Organization

4 kids + 4 boxes = peaceful road trip

I have taken my plan-ahead, be organized strategy to a new level thanks to another mom-of-four friend. If you have kids, then you know that a road trip can be exhausting. There are obvious reasons, but most moms spend the majority of the trip passing things back, refilling snack cups and navigating the 'I don't want this kind' waters. Usually, I have a large snack bag in the front of the van with a wide selection of snacks, napkins, etc. This time around, we are trying a new strategy. Each child has a box (the ziploc/tupperware variety) that will fit nicely under their seat that is filled with snacks that are prepackaged or in baggies. When it is snack time, they can pull out their box and choose a snack.

I see many advantages to this plan. Everyone has a choice and complaining is kept to a minimum. . If you eat your oreos at the first break, then you can't complain that you only have crackers later when someone else is eating their oreos. You also can't complain that you don't like something.........you picked it out and packed the box with the flavors you like and colors you prefer. The box also includes napkins for quick clean ups. I think peanut butter and jelly sandwiches would be a great addition for the future. We skipped that this time since we are stopping for lunch. In preparation for the trip home, we have already packed the snacks in ziploc bags and they will be transferred to the boxes before we hit the road again. This eliminates the trip to the store to buy more car food because we ate it all in the condo.

Best of all, mommy does not have to work so hard. I might get to the vacation destination with some energy to actually enjoy it!

PS Thanks MD for the great idea!

No Girls Allowed

Here is the boy - Toads. Our oldest. Our only son. If he has heard it once, he has heard it a thousand times......'you're the only boy'. People say it with such sympathy and often a 'that's just terrible' tone in their voice. There are times that I would have to agree. He is inundated with the feminine side of everything  - all the time. The summer in particular is rough for him. He's home with mom and three dramatic girls that like all things pink.

I have to be very intentional in my efforts to keep the masculine side of things at the forefront for him. Of course I just don't 'get him' on many occasions and I will never be able to relate to him like Dad does, but I can do my part to not let the hormonal female majority at our house overwhelm him. These are some of the things I try to do:

• Have plenty of boys over to play. The three girls rarely have guests over to play - they have each other. He has nobody! Just having another boy in the house eases many of the tensions among the little people.
• Let him choose the entertainment. He can only watch Barbie: The Island Princess so many times. We have a nice selection of boy movies, dinosaur puzzles, monster books, war games, and more.
• Don't worry about his clothes matching. I have to admit that I struggle with this one. I want all the girls in matching outfits with cute bows, so of course the boy should at least have on a shirt and shorts that match each other. I have had to learn to let it go......let him wear mesh shorts 6 out of 7 days, let him have on plaid shorts and striped shirt, wear tennis shoes with everything. I still make him look presentable for church and certain family outings, but I am getting much better about this one.
• Let him get dirty. Being the oldest, I was naturally a bit cautious with him as an infant/toddler when outside. With age, came dirt, sweat, sticks, rocks, and more sweat. He smells like a boy in no time.
• No pink or purple allowed. Strong masculine colors only - clothes, blankets, toys, bikes, plastic plates/silverware, etc. All the princess dress - up clothes are for girls only.
• Never object to Father/Son time. We call it 'guy time'. Nathan is very good about spending time with him and being intentional about building masculine traits in him. I am so thankful for that significant influence! I do my best to never discourage or detract from that time they have together even if it means planning 'boring' things for the girls and I to do so that Toads is not interested in them.
• Limit the girly activities. If at all possible, I make alternative arrangements for Toads when it's time for me to hit the mall or nail salon. This also means the little girls cannot make him play girly games all day in the playroom.

Drastic Measures

I think my kids understand me a little better now. I have made myself more clear. Several weeks ago while Daddy was out of town, is when it happened. Over time we had become discouraged - actually down right irritated is a better word - with the level of care that our children use with their belongings. They are so rough on toys and things seem to break easily. I had been working hard to talk to them about how we use things the way they were meant to be used instead of using our creative minds to find new and destructive ways to play. Well, this particular day I guess I was already a bit high strung because when I saw another broken toy I put a stop to it. I told each of the kids they could have their blanket and pick one toy to keep. The others would all be gone when they woke up the next morning.

Of course when you say those things, you have to mean it or you will never be able to threaten any action again. Prior to bedtime, I had them remove all of the toys, games, etc from their rooms. I stayed up most of the night and cleaned out the play room. Some stuff went to the garbage can, some stuff went to Goodwill and the rest went to our closet and other hiding places throughout the house. It was exhausting but worth the effort. Here is what their playroom looked like when they woke up.

If you know our playroom, you know this is drastic. I left some books out for us to read to them on occasion, but otherwise they were on their own to be creative. The older threesome played hard together for the almost month that their toys were gone. They played chase and fun imagination games. They often wanted to be downstairs helping me do whatever I was doing, but I reminded them that this was their time to think about using things properly and learn to appreciate the things they have been given.

The toys that I saved returned to the playroom last week and it was like Christmas. They were so excited to see all of the things they had been missing and wanted so badly to use during playtime. I haven't found a broken toy yet. I can always remind them of this time without toys. It's good for them!

A Good Kind of Hiding

We are so proud of all of the recent hiding that has been happening at our house. Hiding God's Word - particularly in the hearts of Toads and Girly Girl. They have worked hard over the past year at the Awana Club at church to memorize their verses. Girly Girl finished up her second and last year in Cubbies and memorized 30 verses. Toads completed his first year in Sparks where he memorized over 40 verses in his two books. At the award ceremony, he was part of the team that was scheduled to recite the Sparks code - P is for Power.

I continue to learn that even with the best of intentions, life with four kids never goes as planned. You just have to laugh. Awards day was one of those days. Sunday afternoon in preparation for the award ceremony, I had to finish applying all of the kids' patches/awards to their vests. I spent over an hour looking for Toads' vest that was not where it always  is....still haven't found it. My attention to finding the vest was derailed when he woke up screaming from his Sunday afternoon nap. As a toddler he experienced the very painful nursemaid's elbow - a child's elbow bones get partially pulled out of joint and do not line up normally - in both elbows multiple times. Assuming he had outgrown it as most kids do, we had not given it another thought since the last epsiode three years ago. We have now been reaquainted with the blood curdling screaming that goes with putting the bone back in place.

I say all of that to emphasize how proud I am that Toads continued with his committment to recite the verse and receive his award. We went on to the church with his arm wrapped up tight next to his body and he climbed up on the stage and said his verse perfectly. We slipped out early to go to the emergency room where it took three adults to get the bone back into place - on the first try!

We are looking forward to alot more hiding of God's Word around here. They are always so excited when they hear one of 'their verses' somewhere else like in class or from the pulpit on Sunday mornings.

Great is our Lord and mighty in power. Psalm 147:5

Through Something So Short

Last week, the Lord allowed the Six Linos to travel to Ft. Worth to be with our sweet friends, the Deasons and Greens as we honored the work of the Lord through their precious baby girl, Addison Lynn Deason. It was a special time to grieve the loss of this child and love on our friends who are hurting so deeply. The six days that Addison was on this earth have impacted so many, including me. So much of my mothering - the sleepless nights, the whining, the tying shoes all day long, the wiping noses, the changing diapers, the laundry, the cutting sandwiches, the reading one more book, the picking up toys - is all put in a much better perspective. Ginny won't ever do any of those things for Addison. Ginny and Stephen are a marvelous testimony of the Lord's willingness to sustain His children and give them the grace to endure suffering. They have testified to His glory at work in them. I am thankful that the Lord has shown me and countless others more of who He is through this family.

This is from Ginny.........

For those of you who weren't able to be at the funeral, here is a testimony I had my Dad read for me. The Lord kept me up 'till 4:30 Wednesday morning writing this, and I didn't stop typing until He told me to. I hope it encourages you...

A Testimony of

~Addison Lynn Deason~

From: Her Mommy, Ginny Lynn Deason

I was given the great honor, joy, and privilege to carry my sweet and precious baby girl, Addison Lynn for 9 months in my womb. What an incredible blessing! From the day I found out I was pregnant, and even before we found out we were having a girl, I loved that baby more than I can say. The first time I felt her move and kick inside me, I was in awe of the Lord’s amazing miracle of life growing in me. I was completely overwhelmed with joy and excitement the first time Stephen and I heard her amazing and strong heartbeat. From the time I was old enough to hold a baby doll in my arms, I wanted so badly to grow up and marry my “Prince Charming” and to experience the joy of being a Mommy. Well, I grew up, and found my Prince who loves me deeply and tells me that every day through not only his words, but his actions as well. Not only did I find my husband, but I became a Mommy also, and I can truly say that the Lord has given me the desires of my heart! Even though Addison can no longer be here with her Mommy and Daddy, we know that she is safe in the arms of Jesus, and that He is taking good care of her. He loves her very much, and we know that we will get to see her again some day. Until that day comes…we will live to serve and honor the Lord, and we pray that in doing so, many would come to know the Lord, and they will get to spend eternity with Him like Addison and us (her parents). We know that we will spend eternity in heaven with Him, because the Bible so clearly tells us in Romans 10:9, “That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Sweet friend or family member, I pray that you too have made that decision, and that I will get to spend eternity in heaven with you as well. I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the prayers, love and support you have given to Me, Stephen and our families. I can not find the words to properly thank you all enough. I am overwhelmed with how much you all have cared for us, loved on us, and prayed for us during this most difficult time. My prayer throughout this whole trial has been that I would shine the light of Christ, and that I would live to be a blessing for life. Even in the midst of great pain, I can still have joy, because I know that the Lord is my rock and my strength. He alone is the one who gives us strength for each day. Although I am deeply missing my sweet baby, I know that she is with her maker, and that I will see her again some day in His timing. I praise God that I can echo the words of Job 1:21 that says, “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Addison Lynn’s short life of just 6 days, has impacted my life in so many wonderful ways, and I long to see her precious face again some day. Lord, thank-you for the time we had with our baby girl. Thank-you for giving her to us for 6 short days here on the earth, but also thank-you for the 9 months I was able to enjoy her in my womb. I love you so much Father, and I pray that I would come forth as gold after I am refined by the fire. Oh how I long to see your face Lord, and to be with my little Addison again! Thank-you for all that you have done for me, and for the blessing I have received in being a Mother. You are truly faithful and Your will and plan for my life is the best, and is more than I can hope for or imagine. In Your name I pray…Amen. In closing I would like to share the words of a song that has spoken to my heart, and it is truly the desire of my heart to express this to the Lord.

The song is, “You are Still Holy” by Kim Hill and it goes like this,

Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes
Lord, I don't deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Savior
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
You are still holy
Holy, You are still holy

Even though I don't understand Your ways
Sovereign, You will be sovereign
Even when my circumstances don't change
Lord, I don't deserve your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth
I want my life to be a sweet devotion
To You

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Savior
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
I belong to You

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet
You are my Savior
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
I belong to You
You are still holy
You are still sovereign
You are still holy, Lord
You are still righteous
You are all-knowing
You are still holy

Dearest friends and family, I am encouraged to say that even in the midst of great trial, and pain, the Lord is still on His throne. He is without a doubt, holy, sovereign and righteous…

Praise be to God forever and ever…Amen.

I love my family so much, and miss my sweet Addison. I am looking forward to seeing her again some day, after I see Jesus face to face. She will take me on the "grand tour" of heaven..and I can't wait for that day...

The Loss of a Dream

My path recently crossed with this poem by Emily Perl Kingsley. It was originally written to help describe what it is like to parent a child with a disability, but as you will see it applies to much more........

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Welcome to Holland written by Emily Perl Kingsley

I know people who have landed in Holland. Some just landed and some have been there for years. Some have taken note of the beauiful things in Holland. Some have not. Some are there because of a dream for their child - disabilities, making a team, finding a mate and more. Some are there because of a dream for themselves - career, goals, becoming a grandparent and more. Some are there because of a dream for their spouse - finding the one, divorce, career and more. Whether they express it or not, it's challenging being in Holland when everyone else is travelling to Italy.

While I am not in Holland now, I may find myself there one day. I pray it doesn't take me long to see the lovely things. In the meantime, I pray I am sensitive to those in Holland as I travel to Italy.

Preparing for Shepherding

In anticipation of this weekend's parenting conference, I recently reread Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. I last read it before we had any kids. At the time, it was one of those books that you like and know has good stuff in it. Because I wasn't in this phase of life, I didn't have a sense of urgency over putting some of the application into practice in my own life. Four kids later, it's a totally different story.

From the publisher.....

Shepherding a Child's Heart is about how to speak to the heart of your child. Bringing deep biblical principals to the task of parenting and concentrating on what is going on inside a child rather than just their outside behavior.

This easy to read, 200+ page book was good for me. Biblical principles is what Nathan and I have always sought in the raising of our children so the content of this book was easy to agree with. This parenting how-to used Bible, Bible, Bible. If doing things the way of the Bible is not what you had in mind, then this is not for you. As with any self-help, how-to, instructional type book, there are a few things that don't jive with me but I could completely see myself doing and saying some of the things Tripp illustrates. I realized how I often am not looking into the deeper meaning behind the behavior of my children. True, I firmly believe they are all sinners - have been since they were born - but their behavior is portraying the condition of their heart and I far too many times do not connect those dots. This book has caused me to really evaluate why I react the way I do and how I can more effectively meet the spiritual needs of their hearts. There are so many instances that I just correct or discipline the behavior to suit my needs (otherwise known as sanity) instead of taking the time to bring them along in their journey to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul and mind.

Parenting is hard. Biblical parenting is really hard. Because we have four little currently lost people entrusted to us, I will continue to pour biblical principles into their lives despite how challenging and exhausting it is. I will strive to be more diligent and intentional in my parenting so that one day (prayerfully very soon and without much baggage) they will, as we tell them in their terms, 'make Jesus Christ the boss of them'. It's a hard job, but I am the one tasked with doing it for Toads, Girly Girl, Samoosa and String Bean. I am truly blessed to be able to be mom to these four. I love my job!